$UCK$

Is it wrong that I am budgeting in money for 2-day festival tickets instead of paying my bills? Probably.
Is it worse that I’ve decided to essentially pretend my Canadian cell-phone contract (that they wouldn’t let me get out of) doesn’t exist because I don’t care if they disconnect the number or not. Definitely
Do I care that I KNOW I’m making bad money decisions? Sometimes.

Sometimes I care that I have a maxed-out credit card and haven’t paid my electricity bill but sometimes I’d rather buy tickets now for an amazing weekend with my friends in 3 months.

This is bad. I KNOW this is bad, so spare me all the lectures about ruining my credit, bad financial decisions, and putting want before need. At least it’s not instant gratification! The concert isn’t until December!!!!

Anyway, I’m really frustrated by my financial situation. I’m frustrated that I have a job that should pay decently (for a recent-grad who’s determined to work in the non-profit sector) but doesn’t because the fact I’m Canadian means I’m taxed out the ass.

Seriously there’s nothing like seeing MORE THAN ONE THIRD (!!!!!!!!!!) of my pay go directly to a government that’s not even mine! Which puts my net salary as less than what I was making without a degree back in Canada. I now make less than what I did working on an hourly basis and paying less than ½ of what I’m currently paying for rent. Not to mention things like water, electricity, gas, internet etc. are now only being divided by 2 people (me and AB) not 6 (‘the housemates’).

And I did I mention the fact that things like food, household products, clothes etc. are all at least 20% more here then in Vancouver (the most expensive city in Canada!) even factoring in the exchange rate. And with everyone freaking out over the economic recession things like tinned tomatoes and toilet paper go up in price every week!!!

Needless to say, I’m not in any good financial place right now. And it sucks. It especially sucks when you’re newly back in a city and can’t even afford to go out for drinks with old friends, or participate in anything new. It sucks that I’ll be wearing my winter clothes through a scorching hot summer because I can’t even afford to shop at K-Mart. It sucks that I can’t go out and meet people and make new friends that I so desperately want to because even having one glass of wine is out of my budget.

I miss going to the gym so badly, but instead I run because it’s free. I’ve given up trying to support sustainable companies, given up buying organic or local or green because while I believe in it, I also believe that my soul needs the occasional bottle of wine more. And I’m sorry, I’m the biggest Green/eco/local supporter I know, but sometimes my own sanity comes before the environment or poor children in Indonesia. I’m selfish. I’ve got over that already. Spare me the lectures.

Most of all, it sucks that AB and I were considering applying for a de facto (common law) spouse visa even though we don’t know if we're ready to take that step, just because it would get me out of this shitty tax situation. Too bad we can’t afford the $2,000 application fee.

And yes, ok I understand the concept of budgeting, and allowing yourself treats, and how not paying my phone bill is just wrecking my credit. And trust me, AB and I are sitting down tonight and hashing out all the nitty gritty details of how we’re going to make this work. But right now, just let me rant. Because otherwise I’m going to cry and I definitely don’t want to do that at work.