Depressing post... Feel free to skip. Thanks.

I’m back!!
Things have been pretty hectic around here that’s for sure. And while I do have pictures and awesomeness from my Great Ocean Road adventure, it’s going to wait for a bit. I have other things on my mind.

As I mentioned earlier, AB’s Nan had a stroke just over a week ago. This was VERY unexpected because she is extremely healthy for an 84 year old. Of course there aren’t really any early symptoms that could suggest a stroke is possible, but obviously the more ill-healthed (is that a word?) you are, the greater chance you may suffer one.

Of course, their whole family is pretty upset about it, particularly with ABro and FSIL’s wedding approaching. They are a very close family and Nan lives just around the corner from AB’s parents. Their grandfather passed away many years ago.

At first they were hopeful about the possibility Nan could recover fully as she was determined to be a great candidate for rehabilitation, but Nan hasn’t seemed interested at all. She refuses all food, she doesn’t want to take her medications, and while she’s still alert and glad to see us, you can also tell it upsets her that we have to visit her in the hospital. It’s always been known that she doesn’t want to be a burden (not that she would be of course), and we obviously don’t want to keep her alive for our own selfish reasons if she will have no quality of life afterwards. It’s still hard. As of this Monday, she’s been taken off all her medications, including the one that’s been regulating her blood pressure and at this point it’s inevitable she will die, it’s just a matter of when.

AB’s taken the whole situation pretty hard and while I am obviously upset because I love Nan very much, I still have all 4 of my Grandparent’s alive. I am trying to support AB with hugs, kindness and just ‘being there’ with whatever he needs. At the same time, I feel very lost and like my efforts aren’t enough.

So far in life I have been lucky enough not suffer many loved-ones deaths. Of the 6 Great-grandparents I knew, 5 of them died while I was very young and I don’t really remember them. The last one died in 9th grade and while I was obviously upset, I knew she was very old.

Thus, I don’t really know how AB feels and I’m not really sure what to do. I sort of want to keep everything as normal as possible (we’ve been going to work, and I’ve still been going to the gym etc.) so it doesn’t seem like I’m babying him, or constantly referring to the elephant in the room. But at the same time, I don’t want to come across like I’m ambivalent or inconsiderate about the whole situation. I want to support him, but don’t want to smother him. He’s been having trouble sleeping and in general is just pretty glum and listless. He drinks a lot of beer at night, is uninterested in sex, and has lost that spark. Of course I’m worried about him, but obviously figure it’s just a phase and is part of the mourning situation.

At the same time, the loss of Nan is just highlighting my worry over my Grandpa. He hasn’t been well in some time, but doesn’t have any specific illness. Being so far away is concerning because he could die in 2 months or in 5 years. It’s all pretty uncertain. And it makes me not sure whether or not I should fly home to spend Christmas this year, or if I’ll be thinking that for the next 4 years. I obviously don’t have the money to do it, but at the same time money shouldn’t be an issue and I don’t want to regret spending time with him. I just have to see how it all goes I guess.

Ok, this post is pretty depressing… I hate thinking about things like this. Good news tomorrow I promise!

Interruption

So I was very excited to bring you all the details of my whirlwind Great Ocean Road adventure a la High School Besties. And it was fantastic, and girly, and everything I wanted it to be. With a great big dose of guilt thrown in.

On Monday, right as AB, Red and I were pulling into the driveway from the airport, AB got a call from his parents letting them know his Nan was in the hospital and had a stroke. Of course, he was devastated and headed up there first thing. Since Red was here, and there really still wasn't much news, we continued on our trip. Anyway, the last few days have been a whirlwind of good news, bad news, and just playing the waiting game. She's stable, better than a few days ago, but worse than yesterday and overall not much change really. These things are hard.

So I'm taking ANOTHER day off work and AB and I are headed up to his hometown for the weekend. Trip updates (and pictures!!!) will need to wait until Monday.

Hope you all have a great weekend, and here's hoping I come back with good news.

Earl Grey makes everything better

I'm currently curled up under my doona (Aussie for duvet) with a steaming cup of Earl Grey tea and am watching the torrential rain outside. It's 4:00pm on Monday and I am not at work, ahhh... Normally this would be a fabulous picture. Unfortunately I left out the sound of my disgusting, hacking cough every thirty seconds. I hate being sick. More than that, I hate being sick the day my high school best friend (Red*) flies in for a three day visit. Eugh.

Red and I met in grade 10 when she started at our new high school. Skinny as a rake, with all the great clothes and the most amazing red hair I've ever seen; she was super popular and friends with everyone. For all of that year I wasn't *jealous* of her, as much as I just wanted to be her. To have her life, her clothes, her body, any guy she wanted. Looking back, there were obviously lots of things in her life I don't envy, and now, I wouldn't trade with her for the world. Regardless, by way of the changing of a few cliques as oft happens in high school, Red and I were in seperate circles at first but occasionally ended up together at lunch, or in class. Eventually she became one of the 4 girls in our group and by grade 12 we were best friends and doing everything together. We'd take her car shopping at lunch, we'd skip school to go watch the boys play lacrosse, we partied on weekends and would generally egg each other on to do things we wouldn't have otherwise, and of course we always covered for the other when the parent's asked too many questions.

Unfortunately, we've grown apart in the last 5 years as I moved across the country to university, and she endured a very long and messy break up with one of the boys in our clique. Red, being the outsider (the rest of us had all attended school together from gr 4) was the one left out to minimize awkward situations. This meant the few times a year I managed to go home, she wasn't invited to our group activities. Of course I always tried to catch up with her seperatly, and while we haven't been the best at keeping in touch, I always have and always will consider her one of my best friends.

Anyway, she's coming down to visit me in Melbs as she's been living in Queensland for the last year, completing her teaching certificate. She goes home to Canada on Thursday and so we're squeezing in a quick visit before then. She gets married in August 2009 and I'm hoping I can make it back for the wedding, although right now it seems unlikely.

Our plan is to hang out with AB tonight and then partake on a whirl-wind-2-day-girls-only road trip to the Great Ocean Road Hopefully I don't start feeling worse as I'm cough-y but functional right now.

*In this post, you can see our clique from high school, Red included.

Open letter to the world...

Dear Blogland,

Many of you kindly commented on my last post with concern over whether or not AB was apologetic or not. Yes, of course he was, he said I was an awesome gf and he was sorry he didn't remember any of it. I then teased him about his hangover for the rest of the day. And will continue to make him wash epic mountains of dishes for the next six months... Apologetic or not, this wasn't the first time he's been that drunk, nor will it be the last... previous to the pee incident was the time I woke up to find blood all over our sheets, carpet and the bathroom. But that's another story for another time. Suffice to say our relationship involves more than one episode of me disinfecting the bathroom at ridiculous hours.

Love,
CherryBlossomsAndVodka


Dear Train passengers,

As per my Tweet this morning, the train is not the place to floss your teeth. Nor is it the place to brush your hair, particularly if you're prone to shedding. Get dressed and ready BEFORE you leave the house. We all share enough germs taking the train daily, I don't need your hair and plaque on me too.

Thanks,
The girl who holds in her sneezes while on transit


Dear Job,

It would be nice if you occasionally did your own work so I don't have to waste hours of my time following pointless procedures simply to placate Board members. Come October's board meeting, they're going to have a stack of papers 4 feet high, thank you very much.

Kind regards,

Office Administrator


Dear Trees,

I know you seem to be having a hard time of it lately. I apologise in advance for the number of you I will kill in the next three weeks. I hate wasting paper, especially chlorine-bleached-non-recycled paper that won't even be looked at let alone read. But it will be there in case the 100-year-old board members need to see it. Because heaven forbid they need to read off a computer screen. I'm sorry, I promise I'll hug a few more of you next time I'm out.

Love,
Hippie-girl



Dear Body and Mind,

I'd appreciate if you'd get yourself in gear re: this diet/fitness plan I'm implementing. For example, please make my calves stop hurting. It makes my runs hard, and despite every strech I do, you still hurt. Mind, please don't tell me to eat everything in sight, particularly when the Body isn't even hungry. Furthermore, I'd appreciate if you decided that pears suffice as a snack instead of chocolate. I am sure this Freshman 15+ would love to go travelling and find another lowly first year to invade. They're sick of this boring, working body and it's lack of blood-alcohol.

Love,
The I'm No-longer in College Girl.

Dear Lauren, Lo, Audrina, Heidi and Co.

I love you. With all my heart. I won't even pretend to dislike your trashiness. Except Spencer. He can disappear forever for all I care. He is the very epitome of all I hate in boys. I also love you're shown online so I can keep up down here in Oz. Other shows are only watche online if you're in the USA. Doesn't that defeat the purpose? /back on topic... Hills, I hope you never leave me.

xoxo
My inner Girly-girl


Dear Facebook,

I hate the new you. The end. Goodbye.

The Ex

PS You and I both know this is a futile break-up and I will soon come crawling back for more. But for now? Consider us O-V-E-R.

Wicked was wicked! and why the boyf owes me for life!

Friday night was the much-anticipated (on my part at least!) night we had tickets to Wicked. One night a few months ago I had drunkenly commented on how much I wanted to see it but that given AB’s dislike of theatre (and habit of falling asleep*) I probably wouldn’t go. Well, a few days later AB’s Mum rang me up with tickets for me, her and FSIL (AB’s brothers fiancée aka Future Sister In Law) and those tickets were for Friday’s performance.

AB’s parents, and ABro & FSIL came down to the city for the night and while us girls were headed to the theatre, the boys had grand plans to get absolutely piss-drunk.

After rushing home from work and doing a quick clean of the apartment, as AB’s parents are absolutely incapable of coming to Melbourne without coming inside our house and poking their nose into every corner**, AB and I headed downtown.

We had a quick (and very expensive) drink at James Squire’s before realizing why were we paying for our own drinks when we could go drink on the Parent’s tab?!?! So we crossed the street to Pizza Napoli and saved a table at the restaurant but had to fight to get service (and it wasn’t busy at all for a Friday!) meaning we only had one drink and had to scarf our pizzas down before heading to the theatre. They were good pizzas, but a bit too much cheese and not enough pumpkin and spinach for my taste. I prefer cheese on my pizza, not pizza with my cheese thank you very much.

Our seats were fabulous! We were about 8 rows from the front and on the aisle of the left section (here). As we were waiting for the lights to go down, we each kept pointing out amazing pieces of the scenery including a huge mechanical dragon above the stage. I wanted one of the Ozmopolitans that everyone was drinking (they flashed green!!!) but didn’t want to wait in a 30-minute line for an overpriced, too-sweet drink. But still! It was GREEN!!!

As a side note: I love musicals. I’ve been to many since I was a kid including: Beauty and the Beast, Joseph, Cats, the Lion King, Lord of the Rings, and a bunch of smaller productions I don’t remember right now… I always eagerly anticipate the story unfolding, and random characters bursting into fully choreographed song and dance. Sometimes I wish it happened in real life. Shh don’t tell.

Prior to the play I didn’t really know the story-line beyond that it was the other side of Oz, and the tale of the Wicked Witch. Overall it was fantastic! I loved the story, and it made me happy to see how she was really just misunderstood and everything ended happily. I liked seeing the developments of the Cowardly Lion, Tin Man and Scarecrow and thought Glinda was really well played and hilarious.

The first Act was very long and I almost doubted if there would be an intermission, or if they were just playing the whole thing through. The men who played Boq the Munchkin and Fiyero were previous Australian Idol contestants, which if you’d watched Idol and knew the contestants, was quite funny and people enjoyed. Personally, my favourite part was the costumes. They were fantastic throughout and I loved how spectacular some of the citizen’s of Oz green costumes were.

Another thing that was funny was all the actors spoke with American accents! Obviously they’re all Australian actors, but I totally didn’t notice! I don’t know why they did, why not be Aussie? It just didn’t register in my brain and it took until FSIL and AB’s Mum pointed it out during the intermission for me to pick up on it. My brain is so used to both accents I don’t clue in anymore. I’m often surprised when people mention my accent here, I kinda assume I sound like everyone else***.

Overall, I loved it. Thought it was fabulous and everyone did an excellent job of performing! FSIL and AB’s Mum enjoyed it as well. Apparently the guest in front of me didn’t though… FSIL and I caught her fully asleep, with her head back on her seat and SNORING! Loudly! I can’t see how anyone could have fallen asleep through that considering we were so close to the stage. The music was loud and captivating and even if you were exhausted, there was so much sensory stimulation I would have found it impossible to sleep. Ah well, to each his own I guess.

Afterwards, we went and found our very drunken men at Young & Jackson’s. It’s important to note that AB is about 3 inches shorter and at least 50 lbs lighter than both his brother and Dad. He always tries to keep up, and they always try to get him as drunk as possible. Needless to say he could barely stand up by the time we got there. I had to confiscate his beer from him as he almost poured it all over my (brand new) white jacket multiple times. After we girls managed only one drink each (it’s only 11:30 by this point) a bouncer came and tapped me on the shoulder. As I turned to him, he asked “Is your boyfriend intoxicated or does he have a medical condition? If he’s drunk you’re all going to have to leave” AB was weaving all over the floor and could only stand up with my help.

I didn’t really know what to say… Do I admit he’s drunk and get us all kicked out, or do I invent some sort of illness that causes balance issues and let everyone think I have a retarded boyfriend? (I know it’s not the appropriate word, but it’s what jumped into my head at the time) Needless to say, my silence answered everything, and we were all quickly ushered out.

Amid a lot more tension (the girls were all dead sober and AB’s Mum was embarrassed by the guys behaviour) I managed to get AB home on a tram and upstairs into the apartment before he lost the ability to walk. I did however have to drag him off the tile floor into bed around 12am where he promptly started snoring loudly and I lay wide-awake wondering where it all went wrong.

Little did I know it was about to get way worse… (This is the part where AB OWES ME FOR LIFE!!!! And by life, I mean he gets to do all the dishes for ever, and I get to hold it over him for at leas the next few months…)

Sometime around 3am he manages to rouse himself from slumber and still too hammered to walk, makes it into the bathroom to pee. I was awakened by his crashing into things, and he returned to bed, flopping horizontally across it and promptly started snoring again. After kicking him a few times because I couldn’t physically get into bed with him laying across it, he jumped up, screamed “I HATE YOU, WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SUCH A BITCH!” and went and slept on the couch (he doesn’t remember any of this by the way…) I wasn’t really angry yet since I knew he was drunk and didn’t actually mean it.

Note the use of the word ‘yet’. Left to sleep in peace, I get up to turn the bathroom light off and discover that AB’s lack of walking ability also translated into a lack of aiming ability. He’d managed to pee ALL OVER THE BATHROOM. Now our bathroom is very tiny, which means he’d managed to pee not only all over the toilet and tile, but also all over the shower and shower door, the sink, the towels etc. The only thing he’s missed was the washer/dryer.

I sort of debated pretending to ignore it and making him clean it up in the morning, but I knew I was going to have to use the bathroom sooner than he was and I wasn’t about to hold it for the next 5+ hours. Needless to say, at 4am I was still disinfecting and mopping the bathroom. Thus, AB? He OWES me. Huge. Forever. And whenever he doesn’t want to do something, I get to mention “Yeah? Well I CLEANED UP YOUR PISS!!” I always manage to yell that part too, for ultimate effect…

*When AB and I first started dating, his Mom got us all tickets to The Lion King. It was AB's first time to the theatre (with 3 boys and no girls it wasn't something they did as kids!) and both he and his Dad fell asleep!

** I understand parent's coming into your house, in fact I think it's even very common. Mine just live across the country (now the world!) from me and obviously don't stop in on a regular basis so it's not something I'm used to.

*** This is disappointing because I used to find the Aussie accent so HAWT! Biggest turn on ever. Now I'm used to it. Damn... it's still hot though.

Delete, delete, delete

I don't know what's up with me. I start to post as I do have lots and lots to say about a bunch of interesting stuff going on in my life. But I get about 2 paragraphs in and hit delete.

I hate my writing at the moment, I get bored with what I'm saying. I've got writers block.

Boo.

Because I WANT to write. I WANT to update and let everyone know what's going on. But for some reason my finger just loves the delete button.

In other news: look forward to posts on my new get-fit scheme, more travel plans (short and long term), obsession with the Hills, apartment photos, review of Wicked, why AB owes me for ever and ever (seriously!) and all the other things I've wanted to write about but deleted before I could.

Lacey had this survey-meme-thing on her blog a few days ago and amid my work-insanity that is the week leading up to a board meeting I just saved it to do later. Seems a bunch of others WIH and Katelin included also have done this in the last while. Love learning things about the VIPs in our lives!!!

EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT AB (From Caz's point of view)

1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen? Probably footy (AFL -which is totally different from NFL, and rugby) or something footy related. If not it's David Attenborough documentaries, Neighbours, or something stupid-but-hilarious like Hole in the Wall.

2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? He doesn't really order salads when we go out to eat. But at home he always picks Balsamic vinagrette.

3. What's one food he doesn't like? Any kind of strong cheese. He thinks parmesean smells like feet.

4. You go out to the bar. What does he order? Probably a Carlton Draught. Or an interesting micro-brew like Mountain Goat. But always beer unless we're going REALLY crazy and someone decides to bust out the JaggerBombs.

5. Where did he go to high school? Castlemaine Secondary College. The only high school in his home-town.

6. What size shoe does he wear? um 12 maybe? For some reason I think they're not very big. Maybe 10? I'm a horrible girlfriend. He's picky about shoes though so I'd never buy him any.

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? Nothing really. Silly/awesome action figures like Ninja Turtles but not anymore. Stubby holders (aka Beer coozies) or band t-shirts kinda.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? Ooh... maybe Montreal Smoked Meat? Or Toasted cheese.

9. What would this person eat every day if he could? Something I hate just because it grosses me out (like KFC or McDonalds). No he'd eat Ice Cream every day if he could.

10. What is his favorite cereal? He doesn't eat much cereal but he does like this kind called Nut Feast. It makes me laugh. Yes my mind is ALWAYS in the gutter.

11. What would he never wear? Pink. It's funny to buy him pink things. His family and I do it all the time. He never wears them (don't worry we do buy him acctual gifts too!)

12. What is his favorite sports team? Carlton Blues (AFL) and Vancouver Canucks (NHL)

13. Who will he vote for? He missed the last election in Australia. Do you know it's illegal to not vote here? You get fined $500 on your tax return if you don't (unless you're overseas or something).

14. Who is his best friend? Hannes. And Johnno.

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do? I get really stressed out about the apartment being dirty and then wind myself up until I'm even more stressed than before and freak out about how "everything's ruined and we're GOING TO DIE!" Yes I actually claimed we were going to die because he didn't clean up the kitchen. He likes to bring this up whenever I decide to not clean the kitchen.

16. How many states has he lived in? 1 state (Victoria) and 1 province (British Columbia)

17. What is his heritage? Australian and English -his Dad was born there. I want him to get British citizenship so we can go live in London.

18. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake? He's pretty un-fussy. Chocolate probably. Or maybe pumpkin spice cake.

19. Did he play sports in high school? He played soccer. He also played guitar in a rock band and was School Captain (valedictorian).

20. What could he spend hours doing? Playing guitar, watching footy.

Psychic?

So WIH is psychic. Seriously. After my super-whiny last post. Not only did she say things would start looking up, she even claimed her own psychic-ness about it. Anyway, soon after I posted last week, I called the Australian Taxation Office to figure out whether or not changing my Visa would actually change my tax situation. Anyway, turns out that the ATO is just totally and completely ambiguous (because really why wouldn't they want to steal many thousands of dollars from me in tax?!?!) and despite what my TFN letter says -which clearly states in the first line: "You are a NON-RESIDENT for tax purposes" I actually AM a resident for tax purposes (how the heck was I supposed to know this?! It's all about stealing my money I swear!) and I should be taxed a few hundred dollars less per month than I currently am. YAY LESS TAXES!!!! Except for the part my boss and the accountant are WAY too lazy to bother fixing this shit for me in time for this month's pay period. Meaning I need to wait until OCTOBER for this to take effect. At least I'll get all the extra money I paid back once I do my taxes.

So luckily I'll have a little more wiggle-room in the budget (and yes we did pay all our (Australian) bills. I'm still ignoring the Canadian one until Tuesday) and I'm currently trying to decide what I should indulge in. Options include: Wine (obviously), Gym membership (boring -well not for me! And I think I need to do something other than run as my knees are starting to hurt), or the most fun: SHOES! Except Australian companies haven't yet embraced the concept of online stores and I can't find any images of the pairs I'm currently coveting. Boo.

In other news: I told AB about the blog. Luckily he didn't laugh at me too much. He thinks things like blogs, online friends, etc. are (to put it nicely*) stupid, which was one of the reasons I originally didn't tell him about mine.
Anyway, I figured it was only fair considering I do write about him and our relationship on here and I wanted to make sure he was ok with it. Regardless, he couldn't have really cared less, and has no general interest in reading it. I'm pretty sure he thinks I write like an angsty emo teenager about how awful he is and how much he pisses me off. Don't ask me WHY he thinks I'd still be with him if I actually thought awful things about him but still. It's all completely lost on him.

*He's called the whole thing way worse then stupid, I just won't repeat the exact words here. In general I just laugh at him and ignore it.

$UCK$

Is it wrong that I am budgeting in money for 2-day festival tickets instead of paying my bills? Probably.
Is it worse that I’ve decided to essentially pretend my Canadian cell-phone contract (that they wouldn’t let me get out of) doesn’t exist because I don’t care if they disconnect the number or not. Definitely
Do I care that I KNOW I’m making bad money decisions? Sometimes.

Sometimes I care that I have a maxed-out credit card and haven’t paid my electricity bill but sometimes I’d rather buy tickets now for an amazing weekend with my friends in 3 months.

This is bad. I KNOW this is bad, so spare me all the lectures about ruining my credit, bad financial decisions, and putting want before need. At least it’s not instant gratification! The concert isn’t until December!!!!

Anyway, I’m really frustrated by my financial situation. I’m frustrated that I have a job that should pay decently (for a recent-grad who’s determined to work in the non-profit sector) but doesn’t because the fact I’m Canadian means I’m taxed out the ass.

Seriously there’s nothing like seeing MORE THAN ONE THIRD (!!!!!!!!!!) of my pay go directly to a government that’s not even mine! Which puts my net salary as less than what I was making without a degree back in Canada. I now make less than what I did working on an hourly basis and paying less than ½ of what I’m currently paying for rent. Not to mention things like water, electricity, gas, internet etc. are now only being divided by 2 people (me and AB) not 6 (‘the housemates’).

And I did I mention the fact that things like food, household products, clothes etc. are all at least 20% more here then in Vancouver (the most expensive city in Canada!) even factoring in the exchange rate. And with everyone freaking out over the economic recession things like tinned tomatoes and toilet paper go up in price every week!!!

Needless to say, I’m not in any good financial place right now. And it sucks. It especially sucks when you’re newly back in a city and can’t even afford to go out for drinks with old friends, or participate in anything new. It sucks that I’ll be wearing my winter clothes through a scorching hot summer because I can’t even afford to shop at K-Mart. It sucks that I can’t go out and meet people and make new friends that I so desperately want to because even having one glass of wine is out of my budget.

I miss going to the gym so badly, but instead I run because it’s free. I’ve given up trying to support sustainable companies, given up buying organic or local or green because while I believe in it, I also believe that my soul needs the occasional bottle of wine more. And I’m sorry, I’m the biggest Green/eco/local supporter I know, but sometimes my own sanity comes before the environment or poor children in Indonesia. I’m selfish. I’ve got over that already. Spare me the lectures.

Most of all, it sucks that AB and I were considering applying for a de facto (common law) spouse visa even though we don’t know if we're ready to take that step, just because it would get me out of this shitty tax situation. Too bad we can’t afford the $2,000 application fee.

And yes, ok I understand the concept of budgeting, and allowing yourself treats, and how not paying my phone bill is just wrecking my credit. And trust me, AB and I are sitting down tonight and hashing out all the nitty gritty details of how we’re going to make this work. But right now, just let me rant. Because otherwise I’m going to cry and I definitely don’t want to do that at work.